Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
