so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
