Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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