if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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