If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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