I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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