this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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