i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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