I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
