He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
