if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
