There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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