take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
im six kinds of drunk right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
false alarm, still single
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
