We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
