I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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