She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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