dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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