too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
