Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
