Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
