He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
