I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
