I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Dignity is for republicans.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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