she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
