he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
