Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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