He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
