She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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