So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
