At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
