yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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