Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
