Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
