I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
