Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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