she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
