Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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