He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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