Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
