cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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