Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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