It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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