My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
