Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
