def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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