pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
