Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
