so explain again why im purple
no
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
