Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
