i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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