ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I believe in your delicious
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
