Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
