rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
