Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
