mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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